Mysterious Qada'ath [CHA'ALT campaign, session 11]

 

Every once in awhile, there's a session that shakes things up.  The sleeper must awaken, and all that.

The adventurers experience a setback that almost sort of actually resulted in a TPK, not to be confused with TPJ or total party jellybeans.  

Sit back, hoss, and let the events of last Saturday's game wash over you like slutty, zoth witch-juice!

The 4 core (as they shall henceforth be known) showed up to play, so allow me to recap the PCs involved: Drogon the human sorcerer, Nix the demon/clown thief, Juan Tufrifo the crystalline warrior, and Gorra the grog (sand construct) priest.

We left off with the party confronting a clown obscenity wielding an oversized multi-bladed spear, all the edged weapons fused to the end of this long, thick iron bar was incredibly heavy.  Difficult to swing, but potentially deadly if a blow lands.

The first round, Drogon cast mirror image to create several illusionary aspects of himself, which worked out because Drogon was targeted 3 times during the battle and only 1 landed on the authentic sorcerer.

Juan put the neon banana sign around his neck and wade into battle, missing the clown-thing, but striking his heavy weapon, cutting it in two.  Next round, the clown obscenity grabbed Juan as his clown head and mouth enlarged (kind of like that scene in Psycho Goreman), showing jellybean teeth.  I rolled a crit, Juan failed his save, and he turned into a giant bacon-flavored jellybean.

It took another round or two for Juan's companions to finish off the clown.  Gorra eventually peppered it with over a hundred rounds like that massive gattling-gun in Predator.  The obscenity's body, or what was left of it, leaking teal, tangerine, emerald-green, pink, and darkest periwinkle slime from his many, many wounds. 

They looted his lurid corpse taking a few unused balloons, jellybeans (clown currency), and an endless rainbow handkerchief tied around a rubber chicken's neck.

After a 20 minute ritual performed by Gorra [I rolled, but no random encounters], Juan [wait... why aren't we calling him Jua'an?] was restored to his natural state... but with a small bite taken out of his right calf.  Yeah, that crispy bacon crumble did smell good.

Juan decided to hang the neon banana sign in this cave to mark the occasion and the fact that he was there and survived.

Further on (the PCs were exploring a chartreuse-illuminated system of caves found underneath the tower of black glass at the center of Qada'ath), Nix scouted ahead to see a cave containing a sparkling-fuchsia tentacled butterfly with a 1-foot wingspan.  It lighted on Nix's outstretched hand and he brought it back to the others.  The butterfly flitted around, landing on all 4 members of the party, but careful not to get too close to the sorcerer's spider familiar Ta'anzo.

Juan Tufrifo and Drogon knew of this butterfly and what it represented in various prophecies - it symbolized everlasting life that would lead the righteous towards resurrection.  Those who do not fear death so much that they shrink from life, shall live again.

Going back to search the rest of that cave, Nix found an 8-inch tall pyramid of rocks at the far corner.  Digging through it, he found a handful of blue-stained popsicle sticks.  A player asked if they had any writing on the sticks, so we came up with a couple little sayings like "Stick it to the man" and "Anything's possible in Cha'alt."  Pocketing them, the PCs moved on, now realizing that their fuchsia butterfly was gone.

The next cave explored contained a human named Inrro who asked if they wanted to play a game where he hid a small, colorful rock under 4 tortoise shells and Juan had to guess which one it was under.  Not wanting any funny business, the crystalline warrior insisted that Inrro use a different rock and then checked his hands after the shells had been moved.  Everything seemed on the up and up, but Juan lost a couple of his popsicle sticks.  

Apparently, Inrro was trying to raise enough money to book passage off-world.  He was trying to get to Alpha Blue in order to perform some kind of mission for the slutty zoth-witches who lived elsewhere in this cave system.  Seeing a golden opportunity, the PCs asked Inrro if he'd be interested in earning a lot more money and a spot with them aboard a starship to Alpha Blue if the NPC agreed to be their meat-shield.  Not exactly sure what a meat-shield was, Inrro enthusiastically accepted.  

Moving to a larger cavern, the adventurers noticed an organic light pattern coming from behind the rock walls.  They had never witnessed this phenomenon themselves but had heard about it - chartreuse shadows.  Deciding not to get too close, they eventually waded into a sea of fresh bodies - nearly a dozen corpses either burned alive or hacked apart.

Inrro and Gorra went straight through the corpses, the others went around.  The sand construct tried to loot any of the bodies, but alas they'd already been picked clean of valuables.  

In another cave, they found a swirling portal of energy guarded by a human.  Through the portal was some kind of "forgotten realm" of typical pseudo-medieval fare.  Gorra stuck his head through, witnessed the blue sky, grassy plains where horses grazed, and a village up the path ahead, then told the PCs what a horrible place it was, sky like azure flame.

They pumped the guard for information, finding out that a black armored warrior named Meatzgron and merlin-styled wizard named Kazahn routinely explored various worlds in order to loot them.  And it was they, indeed, who killed all those dudes in that cavern. 

They next came to a bridge going over a zoth stream that flowed underground.  Nix noticed something in the zoth and pulled it out as he was filling up the clown's balloons with the chartreuse ichor of the Old Ones.  It was a sign that read "Lol, sucka'az!"  Believing this to be foreshadowing of some kind of trap, they investigated the area, but found nothing.

Then, the PCs found the slutty zoth-witches who engaged in ritual sex-magic with them as Nix drizzled his newly acquired zoth over their slutty witch bodies.  The witches knew why they'd come (haha), they sought a way to Quorta'ath... realm of gelatinous horrors and unbidden flesh.  In exchange, the zoth-witches asked them to track down a Federation ambassador named Tarrant Greez who, the last time he visited Cha'alt, purchased a device that imprisoned one of the zoth-witches in a glass sphere.  The witches wanted the ambassador assassinated and the glass orb (or zoth-witch, I suppose) brought back to them.  Tarrant Greez's last known whereabouts was Alpha Blue.

After the sex-magic, they smelled something at the back of the cave - it was BBQ pulled-pork with a buffet table set-up... sweet, spicy, and tangy with gold body glitter.  Inrro advised the PCs to eat up, as he tasted it last time he was here, and definitely try the queso and tortilla chips.

Taking their leave of the slutty zoth-witches, the party encountered a pair of midnight-elves who'd found a nook high up in a cave.  They tried to shoot the PCs with crossbow bolts, but they missed.  Gorra pretended he was a crossbow inspector and somehow convinced them to let him come up and check the place out.  After getting a little information, he left and the adventurers went into a cave just as Meatzgron and Kazahn (along with 5 or 6 additional guards) were coming into it from the other way.  

A lot of cocky banter occurred from both sides.  At one point, the PCs tried the old "you know who you should really go after?  This super powerful guy who's much more of a challenge and has tons of magic items, etc." ploy.  Which, I have to give them credit for.  It worked well for them last Cha'alt campaign.  However, these guys were smarter and seasoned adventurers themselves.  

Upon realizing they couldn't simply trick them, Drogon shot a fireball at them.  The wizard Kazahn had an amulet that sucked-up the fireball.  Then it was Kazahn's turn, and he used a liquid fire wand to shoot a fireball of his own that did 20 points of damage to everyone who failed their save, and 10 for those who passed.  

I gave Inrro, the meat-shield, a chance to do something unexpectedly heroic, and sure enough, he stepped out from behind a stalagmite to engage the black knight who was charging the PCs with the biggest sword they've ever seen.  The sword was also black with glyphs up and down the blade and an alien-looking yellow eye peering out of the sword's crosspiece (where the hilt meets the blade).  This was a magic fucking sword of badassedness!

Swa'ash!  Inrro was carved in twain... with his last moments, he speculated how awesome it would have been to see Alpha Blue with his very own penis.  Then, he died.

Realizing they were out-matched, the PCs wisely decided to disengage.  They moved back, but not before Nix placed the photon detonator on the ground.  Now, this was something the PCs have had for awhile.  It's big and nasty.  A couple sessions ago, the PCs had planned to destroy the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice with it.  I recall telling them that a photon detonator would make a thermal detonator look like a Sunday picnic.

Just before Nix shot at the thing from something like 50-feet away and behind some cover, Kazahn cast a spell that would have covered the photon detonator with a shield spell in order to mitigate the blast.  I wasn't exactly sure how much protection that would have provided (I was planning to roll randomly for it), but then Drogon wanted to cast dispel magic on Kazahn's shield spell.  

"Ok, roll a d20" I said, doing the same for the NPC wizard.  Drogon's player rolled a lowly 5, and was about to spend a point of Divine Favor to re-roll when I told him not to bother.  I had rolled a 1 for Kazahn.  His shield spell was dispelled.

Not exactly sure how to tell them, I simply described a blinding flash of light and surge of heat and energy as the PCs eventually woke up in the desert, under an early morning fuchsia sky.  They had managed to work themselves out of enormous egg-sacs grown from a blooming cactus.  

Eventually, Drogon and Juan figured out that the fuchsia butterfly had pollinated their DNA with the cactus, allowing them to be grown anew... yet naked and without any of their possessions.  Yes, apparently, they had all died in that explosion... cue Keanu Reeves saying "Whoa."

Looking around, the PCs realized they were close to The Outer Settlements and started walking.  Eventually, a woman gasped while averting her eyes, then running inside to get them some blankets to cover their nakedness.  They thanked her and continued on to the Quick Stop convenience store downtown.  Talking to Dante, they got some new clothes, raided the lost in found, and decided to take over the rest of Dante's shift so he could go get laid.

The PCs also got more information on what had transpired since they were reborn.  Basically, they'd been dead for about 2 weeks.  In that time, Isa'ak took over Qada'ath and the Outer Settlements, for which he uses warlords to keep various areas of his growing Kingdom in line.  The Great Old One, Uma'at-Allah, is still floating over the city, but the Old Ones are unable to harm Isa'ak.  Also, the Federation cleared out once they realized that their lasers had no affect on the avatar of the New Gods.  One last thing, the tower of black glass toppled after some kind of explosion or cave-in below the city occurred.  

I asked each player to tell me 1 thing they found in the lost in found box, aside from 3 things that I submitted.  Drogon's player chose a bucket-hat with sombrero rim (I decided on the sombrero rim, haha), Nix's player chose a Tyrion purple feather boa (how could I say no to a call-back from earlier in the campaign), Juan decided upon a pocket-knife (I suppose the warrior in him still felt naked without some kind of weapon), and Gorra's player picked a "Doctor Who" magic or perhaps psionic... telepathic paper that would look like what the viewer assumed before glancing at it.  Being the most powerful item, I limited its power to once per day.

The other items in there were a 7 1/2 inch obsidian dildo, whoopee cushion, and a talon with weird blue stain on it.

So, Dante took off, leaving the PCs to mind the store.  Minutes later, a three-breasted prostitute came in looking for some pumpkin-spice beef jerky.  Juan, model employee that he is, went to look in the back.  He didn't find what he was looking for, but noticed a shotgun hanging on the wall with a note that read, "Use in case of emergency."

Right around then, another customer entered the Quick Stop.  This was one of Isa'ak's warlords watching over the Outer Settlements for him, Mayza'ad.  The guy was a total dick, asking for cigarettes and then sweeping them into a plastic bag which he helped himself to.  Mayza'ad was about to walk out without paying, but then Juan blasted him in the back with the shotgun.  Sputtering blood and barely able to talk as he lay dying, the PCs realized they could use more information.

The party's priest laid on hands after Mayza'ad was tied up in the back.  After a quick interrogation, the PCs got an address where he has supplies.  They went there, was let in by a half-naked woman who proceeded to sit on the couch while doing bong rips, and looted the place of weapons and petty cash.

The PCs remembered that hidden Federation base not too far away, so they hired transport to take them into the desert.  They looked around, killed a two-stinger giant scorpion, and found a few items of import... a thermal detonator, a plasma bazookoid, and a binder containing Federation records but in code which they couldn't decipher.  Taking everything with them, they took the transport to A'agrybah where they'd have an easier time getting a ship to Alpha Blue.

They figured that helping the slutty zoth-witches (even if they aren't still alive) by rescuing the one captured inside the glass sphere was their best chance at juicing-up before heading to Quorta'ath and eventually defeating Isa'ak.  Plus, who doesn't want to have some fun at the space station of lust?

The PCs arrive at A'agrybah at dawn.  However, before reaching their destination, Drogon had a dream-vision of an eldritch eye watching him as a creepy voice spoke directly to his mind, saying that his master is dead, and he seeks a new one, someone worthy of his power.

As soon as they walked through the golden gates and into the city, they saw a wanted poster for the adventurers.  500 talons reward for each of the Crimson Bastards!  The PCs did their best to disguise themselves while also drawing moustaches on those pictured in the poster.

Hightailing it to the space port, they got to a terminal, found a ship going to Alpha Blue [several plans had been discussed, each had their merit], and Gorra used his "magic paper" to convince a flight attendant working the counter that they're all part of an apprentice team here to get valuable on-hand training as soon-to-be pilots.  After a quick roll, that apparently worked.

The PCs board the ship, find a suite for the journey.  It's a nice room with a king sized bed, minibar, living area, and bathroom.  Just as they're checking out the new digs, a flush is heard from the bathroom.  Uh oh, company.  Turns out, it's an attractive blonde.  The adventurers convince her this is part of her VIP package, a little pre-Alpha Blue entertainment.  They whip out the obsidian dildo, and away they go.

That's where we ended the session.  After the game, I told the players that I had a weird feeling they were going to bite off more than they could chew.  The fuchsia tentacled-butterfly thing was something I had in mind as far back as last August, just never got around to introducing it.  But that thing sure came in handy.

As mentioned, this was a significant shake-up that had the PCs almost starting again from scratch... except at 5th level.  Didn't take them too long to gear-up and go hard for the next big thing.  They have an eye for the main chance.

Strangely, no use of the Cha'alt X-Cards, gilded die of Satanis, or lavender demon-moon dice of destiny.  I'm sure those will come back into play next time.

Here's a few choice lines I recorded during the session...

• "I don't think my soul has felt this light in a long time," said Juan, after being reborn.  To which another PC replied, "Wait until we get our blue glass operation up and running."
• "If we cloned ourselves to make blue glass, took it ourselves, and then kept doing it, would that make us drug cannibals?"
• "Isa'ak is a power-bottom."
• "A rave out in the desert?  Oh, you mean one of those new age festivals like Burning Slut?"
• "A zoth-witch reaches down into your crystalline trousers."
• "That could have been a total party jellybean!"

Next session is already this coming Saturday because the following two Saturdays I'll be unavailable.  We might add another player or two next month... we'll see.  

Thanks for reading!  Have a comment, question, or feedback?  Down below you go, hoss.

VS

p.s. July... July?  Yes, July!  It's not too long before the VENGER CON III convention in Madison, WI this July.  Grab your weekend badge now!  And if you don't already have the CHA'ALT trilogy in gorgeous hardcover, this is how to order.

Living World, Living Story (the best of both worlds)

 

Almost 7 years ago, I blogged about this quote from Gary Gygax (image by Andrew McCormack)... a GM primarily rolls dice for the sound they make.  It struck a chord in me back then, even way before that, as it still does today.  

When you have a red-hot idea, regarding the narrative flow or what random table to roll upon from some long-forgotten zine stuck between the covers of a rarely consulted tome of ancient lore, you should never feel obligated to do what's written down, what's been planned out for you by a previous writer, or what procedural bureaucracy permits you to describe.  You're the fucking Game Master.  You decide.  Ultimately, it's up to you.

Last night was the climactic (albeit, truncated) debate that Pundit and I have been having for years.  Here is the Inappropriate Characters show where we start getting into it around the 40-minute mark.

I think I have this right, that RPG Pundit believes traditional RPGs are not story-games and have no business borrowing ideas (such as mechanics) or concepts (perspectives and paradigms) from the story-game design movement.

I'm of the opinion that, once you remove the poisonous Communism from what Forge-era story-games tried to inject into the hobby, there are valuable ideas and concepts that can be mined from story-gaming.

Pundit believes the focus should solely be on a "living world."  Contrarily, I believe that both a living world and "living story" make for ideal gaming experiences.  

Now, how do you define those terms?  In my own words, a living world is a coherent, functional campaign setting that has rules and procedures, along with civilizations, cultures, societies, and all the things that would make up a real world that could be described to those who lived there.

A living story includes some kind of point to the thing, either an overarching or granular moment-to-moment reason for why things happen the way they do.  Plot can be a loaded and divisive word, but Game Masters have to plan for their one-shots and campaigns.  And that's what plot is, essentially, planning.  Just as the world should feel alive, some kind of cohesive, functional narrative should also infuse it with purpose.

I've never been happy with appeals to "story by accident," where there's no narrative framework whatsoever, but sometimes a story can be cobbled together after the fact.  If design (being a designer myself) has taught me anything, it's that you don't design things to hopefully work out by accident.  Remember the 7 P's, hoss!

There's something we can all agree on, of course, no one likes a railroad.  If everything in a session is tightly scripted without the chance of veering off into unexpected territory, you're not playing an RPG but imprisoned in the GM's novel - yuck!

As I've maintained for awhile, the tension between player-characters doing whatever they want, whenever they want, based on what seems reasonable at the time, with accurate descriptions and responses provided by the GM (sandbox approach), alongside adventures where some kind of narrative structure is accounted for, presents optimal friction, juice, heat, energy, power, or divine spark, if you will.

Wanting to know what the world is like seems just as valid as asking what that world is about.  What's the meaning behind it?  Quoting a movie I haven't seen in decades, Planes, Trains and Automobiles (starring Steve Martin and John Candy) "Here's a good idea: Have a point!  It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!"  Or, indeed, those roleplaying their characters.

In conclusion, there be gold up in them hills... if you're willing to give it a try.  Your friendly neighborhood prospector, Venger Satanis, can show you the way.  So, grab a tentacle and go!

Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer is still a free PDF, as is Cha'alt X-Cards.  But Gilded Die of Satanis is gonna cost you a few bucks.  

Enjoy,

VS

p.s. Want to see gaming like that in action?  There's no better way to learn the ins and outs than playing with us at VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR - now with preliminary gaming schedule (just scroll down).  No extra costs or hidden fees.  Buy your weekend badge today!

Best CHA'ALT Character On A Sheet Contest

 

Paddy's Parlor Games and I are running a contest.  

Paddy created the latest character sheet in the recently updated Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer RPG.  

At the end of April, he and I are picking the top 3 Cha'alt player-character submissions written on his character sheet.  Those winners will get their character illustrated as an art commission by Paddy himself.  Additionally, winners will get any single PDF by Kort'thalis Publishing.

Submit entries to Venger.Satanis@yahoo.com

Want to see what Paddy's been up to lately?  Check out his products over at Big Geek Emporium and Giant Slayer Games. 

Comment below if you have any questions about the contest or just want to say hi.

VS

Mysterious Qada'ath [CHA'ALT campaign, session 10]

 

Fresh off of GaryCon, we continue the CHA'ALT campaign in our home game...

4 players - Nix the demon/clown thief, Juan Tufrifo the crystalline warrior, Drogon the human sorcerer, and Gora the grog (sand construct) priest.

This session begins a new arc for the campaign.  I have ideas, but don't want to solidify anything too much before things start happening in the game.

I started things with a laser shootout between Federation soldiers and the PCs in the rubble of Gonzo's former cantina after it was bulldozed and before that space could be remodeled.  The adventurers had to get on their bellies and crawl towards the soldiers (Juan used his blue glass leeches to crawl for him).

They had to exit the hover-tank upon entering the Outer Settlements because they were inundated with people (mostly Cha'alt natives who live in the Outer Settlements).  Before leaving the hover-tank they received a transmission that simply stated "Qada'ath has fallen."

Eventually, with the help of Drogon's invisibility and mesmerizing magenta mist, they got them all.  As they were looting the bodies, a meteorite fell smack in the middle of the crumbling cantina remnants.  Amidst the clouds of sand and dust, they peered into ground-zero to find a man dressed in a white toga.

Somewhat disoriented but lucid enough to provide explanation, Iza'akenuncovath or Iza'ak for short, after introducing himself.  Basically, he's an avatar of the New Gods who are ready to establish themselves as the up and coming owners of Cha'alt.  

Iza'ak told the PCs they should build statues and temples devoted to the New Gods, or himself, one of their mentored facsimiles.  In the meantime, Iza'ak would journey to Qada'ath, enter the tower of black glass where the Supreme Council dwell, and find an artifact suitable to slay any of the remaining Old Ones or their servants.  

Sensing they couldn't win in a fair fight, the PCs let Iza'ak go after giving him a leech and some false information.  But Nix had the forethought to commune with the Old Ones to see what their next move should be.  Upon connecting with Uma'at-Allah, Nix was told to acquire the super-weapon artifact before Iza'ak could get his hands on it, and use it to destroy the New Gods' avatar(s).

Before finalizing their next move, the PCs had a fruitful discussion about what they should do... work towards the ends of the Old Ones, assist the New Gods in their land rush crusade, skip all the celestial politics, or just go along with whatever side is right in front of them and play them both for the highest reward possible.

While the last is probably the closest to their true alignment, the PCs, encouraged by Nix himself, chose to side with the Great Old Ones, against the newcomer deities who threaten the status-quo on Cha'alt.  Never trust a God whose emissary doesn't even bring a gift... aside from letting you worship them.  That's rule #37 on Cha'alt.

And where was the holiest of holy weapons from the Ark of the Covenant?  Still hidden away in petrified sandworm poop in the shape of Juan Tufrifo.  They stashed it in the desert on the way back from the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  The ground literally opened up like a dynamic sewer hole, accepting the X'queeu for safekeeping. 

The PCs wanted to get to the tower of black glass first, so took their hover-tank (plus, it's good to have firepower).  It was out of fuel, but Drogon was able to shave just enough off his ka'alaxian crystal to keep the hover-tank in operation without diminishing the brilliant, yellowish-green wishing stone.

They saw Iza'ak on their way to Qada'ath, and waved.  Before long, they arrived at the outer edge of the orange labyrinth.  A sizeable hole was already smashed into the orange wall, but ta'anzo, Drogon's spider-jack familiar, was ordered to blow a bigger hole into it before driving over the rubble.

Inside the city, they saw all the familiar sights of civil unrest - riots, protests (some holding signs that read "We're people; not blue glass!"), arson, looting, rape, murder, etc.  The PCs drove all the way to the tower of black glass and shot it twice before a decent sized hole could be seen - which Gorra jumped into upon turning into sand.

Once through, he saw one of the Supreme Councilors attended by a few sand-blade guards.  Gorra convinced the Councilor to follow him out, so "tube-man" [I decided to just use the Gigax Council from Psycho Goreman] opened an actual doorway out of the tower which the rest of the PCs used to enter.  Ta'anzo aimed and fired once again, direct him, killing tube-man and the guards.  

The adventurers owe Ta'anzo some serious spider porn after all his surefire blasting! 

Nix went into the cloakroom to see if he could find any secret passages or traps.  He did find a hidden panel accessing an elevator going all the way to the top, so they could bypass the spiral staircase.  Juan Tufrifo noticed a secret button that also led them down, so he pushed it.

They went into a dimly lit chartreuse system of caves and tunnels where up ahead two giant lizards were munching on a dead humanoid.  The PCs blasted the hostile reptilians, but then Drogon used his sorcerous senses to see which direction the most powerful magic was located.  Up top.  So, away they went back up the elevator.

As the elevator rose, they noticed through the transparent elevator car that Iza'ak was walking up to the tower of black glass.  Before reaching the top floor, the elevator got stuck.  Blasting their way up through a ceiling vent, the PCs found themselves on top of the elevator car.  Just before opening the door and blasting the shit out of everybody, they heard a lot of commotion and yelling, followed by "Dear Gods, what the Hell is that?"

Realizing this could be potentially good or very bad, they opened the door to see the rest of the Supreme Council being menaced by some Elder God or Great Old One within a dimensional rift that looked violet-magenta and weird.  Drogon recognized this as perhaps the legendary Quorta'ath... but I'll go into detail about what he knows next time.  The entity's tentacles had a grip on all the Councilors as one of them threw an object illuminated in a white glow through the portal and into the entity's mouth.

It was then that Drogon started brewing a fireball in conjunction with the use of a lavender demon-moon die of destiny.  The roll was flubbed, so he burned a point of Divine Favor and succeeded with both d6s.  All the remaining Supreme Councilors melted in a pool of horrible, dying, screaming flesh.  Additionally, the dimensional rift closed and Drogon disappeared.

The PCs didn't know it, but Drogon was in the purple labyrinth, wandering the purple corridors, searching for greater truth, a way out, or something in-between.  

Meanwhile, Iza'ak walked all the way up the stairs to find out the object of power he sought was no longer on this plane of reality and questioned the PCs.  They decided it was time to actually test their invincibility theory - Nix backstabbed him with his new banana laser-sword, but no damage was done.  Instead, Iza'ak batted the clown-demon across the room like he was a ragdoll.  Gorra turned into sand and went into the avatar's anus (why one of the players stimulated a SLEAZE Cha'alt X-Card, I don't know... possibly to prevent me from inventing an anus-shield on the fly?  I think I owe the players more sleaze, but hopefully not involving a man's anus, next session) and exploded him from the inside-out.  Unfortunately, in just a few minute, Iza'ak began to reform, little scraps of flesh moving towards the center to become anew. 

Meanwhile, Drogon received an impression from the Great Old Ones, telling them to search the subterranean caves below the tower of black glass for slutty zoth-witches who will guide them to overthrow the New God pretenders.  

Not wanting to wait around for him to complete the reassembly, the PCs went back down the elevator after Nix fixed it.  Then Drogon reappeared, told the rest about his purple labyrinth vision, and suggested they go all the way down to that chartreuse cave system below Qada'ath (the sister-cave system to the one they explored a few sessions ago).

The PCs fought some insectoids they found within the first few minutes of exploring, half the party being trapped in amber by the insectoid's scepter, and then Drogon roasted them with a fireball.  

They were just about to be assaulted by some crazy looking chaos-clown when we decided to end the session as the sorcerer's player had to leave a bit early, which was fine by me since I was already getting tired from a combination of post-GaryCon recovery, Spring Break / Easter shenanigans, and sinus / allergy junk going on.

So far, this new arc feels promising, and that's all I can ask for.  Thanks for reading, hoss!

VS

p.s.  Want your own hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Here you go!  Gonna be around the Wisconsin area this July or feel like making a road trip to the birthplace of RPGs?  Grab your weekend badge for VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR and game with us!

GaryCon 2024 Convention Report (part 2)

 

You may have read part 1, already.  But this is part 2 of my time at Gary Con XVI...

As mentioned, I ran 6 games... 3 of them were Cha'alt via Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.  I decided to ask players a short survey of questions before running to find out their familiarity with me, the campaign setting, rule-set, weirdo game mechanics like Cha'alt X-Cards and Gilded Die of Satanis, along with their favorite movie.

I remember way back when... it might have been my first GameHole Con.  I went around the table, asking players the same thing, but might have narrowed it down to "genre movie."  During an "x" moment in the game that could have gone in virtually any direction, I incorporated a guy's pick of The Thing, especially since The Thing is one of my all-time favorite movies.

After the session, the player who had said The Thing complained because my including an aspect from the movie somehow ruined his immersion.  I suppose because he could no longer pretend that the game world and characters were "real" and independent of influence or inspiration from non-canon sources or something?

It took me a while to get over that because I assumed other players would feel the same, as if my player base was some monolithic aesthetic.  That's also when I was young(er), impressionable and believed that "gonzo stupid" wasn't as cool as serious, Tolkien by way of Gygax, "realism" that many nerds assert in order to fool themselves into thinking that one kind of fantasy and therefore elf-game is inherently superior to another.

But I've long since gone full-gonzo and stopped caring what people thought about my games, if they get too silly, are too off the wall, or people laugh too much instead of... I don't know, mentally masturbating about pretending they're Aragorn but toothless and dressed in rags exploring a dungeon so dry and boring that it must be real?

Anyway, I got a lot of movie suggestions (which, incidentally, helped when it came time to improvise something on the spot using the Cha'alt X-Cards and Gilded Die of Satanis).  Plus, chatting about movies helped everyone get to know each other a little bit and eased the tension of meeting for the first time, even though I had played with some players before, and many players knew each other.

One player let me know that he was in my Cha'alt game 2 years ago at GameHole.  And he must have brought his whole group because all 6 of those guys knew and gamed with each other.  A couple guys in the Alpha Blue game had played in my virtual Roll20 sessions, and grew to be supporters of my content and play-style.  Another session contained guys who saw my session in the game roster, thought it sounded cool, signed-up, and then started researching my stuff to get more familiar and they fell in love with the campaign setting and overall vibe.

As you may recall, most of my games were in good-sized rooms with lots of other games happening right next to me, making it difficult to sit back in your chair, make an off-hand comment, watch how PCs respond, and basically let the game come to you.  Although, that's exactly what I did for the Alpha Blue session on the last day.

But for all those other games, I sat up, leaned in, prepared what I was going to say with my notes, did my best to speak-up, say things clearly and distinctly, and focused my hearing so I wouldn't miss anything the players were saying as the game moved briskly along.  I felt like I was chasing after the game in several spots, if not those entire sessions.

Now, that's not necessarily a bad thing.  I can only assume that many GMs run their sessions like that all the time.  However, my style is different.  As I said, I like the game to come to me.  That means I set things up as partial sandbox with PCs able to kind of do what they want, I'm able to interject improvised bits and pieces on a whim or at the drop of a hat, and turn up and down the heat as needed.

I won't say too much about the Cthulhu hack scenarios because those went well, aside from both scenarios drawing to a close in about half the time they should have.  So, that just leaves Alpha Blue, and the 3 Cha'alt scenarios that were actually 1... a trinity as it were.  It is the prophecy!

Based on my pre-gen sheet (actually, 9 pre-generated characters were divided between 3 sheets of paper) - I think I preferred last year's arrangement where all the possible PCs were on a single sheet of paper.  However, I was able to provide a little more background this time, which is just a trade-off, balancing act, I suppose.

One player took to the idea, based on my provided pre-gen notes, that Cha'alt culture was based on demon civilizations from thousands of years ago.  Because of this, he (and soon the group) decided to keep 3 vials of zoth for themselves, and deliver 1 to the blood-elf's brother, instead of the other way around.  

Every GM worth his salt likes it when PC actions directly correspond, one way or another, with the campaign setting.  When something affects something else, that's amore!  Lol, no.  It's an internal consistency that feels like reality... the building blocks of immersion.  

I believe it was also that player who really took the "tentacle fetish" note to heart.  At some point, based on everything that had transpired, we decided if there's a chance he's not at least a little bit aroused, the world will end.  I think that was in reference to a tentacle-fashioned apocalyptic magic item stolen from the palace vault... probably an adventure unto itself.

A couple of the scorpion-men PCs in different games befriended a little blue scorpion and used it as a familiar, which wasn't so much a part of my plan as something that unconsciously matched the pre-gens to the scenario and flowed like it was supposed to - guided by higher powers, with whom, as a lowly Game Master, I am barely worthy enough to comprehend.  Yes, the dice have their uses, but strokes of the GM's vibrational senses are how we navigate those PSYCHOCOSMIC waters.

Talking to a player who chose the tangerine-elf PC, I had an idea for a hybrid race between tangerine and blood-elf to make blood-orange.  No details on what that might look like, but the idea was intriguing and made me chuckle.  So, soon...

I already mentioned that the Cha'alt X-Cards were used to color / flavor randomly stolen magic items.  There was an A.I. banana... I tried to incorporate the banana motif as much as possible, without overdoing it. 

I liked that the PC(s) wished for a working starship that had the correct documentation papers, tiki bar, voice activated autopilot, was nearby, and a few other things, just in case that demon-genie was trying to screw them over, monkey-paw style.  Oh yeah, the key was a banana-shaped electronic fa'ab.

A couple guys asked, I think it was either after they had provided a movie to reference / parody, or when one of them stimulated a Cha'alt X-Card, if I could include a bologna sandwich somewhere in the session, as that was a running gag with their home group.  So, of course, I obliged.  A giant bologna sandwich scuttled sideways across the S'kbah desert until a sandworm jumped out of the sand and gobbled it up in one bite.

That's the kind of thing that might ruin a player's idea of immersion in another game, but in Cha'alt, that's just how we roll.  Reveling in that way of doing things has closed doors but opened windows to new ways of experiencing the game.

Oh, yeah.  I wanted to mention that it wasn't until about halfway through the first Cha'alt session that I realized why none of the sorcerers were casting spells or even considering that option.  I never provided a spell list or any spellcasting information at all.  So, I gave the sorcerers in that game a brief synopsis going forward, and physically wrote out all the possible spells on a blank sheet of paper for the following two sessions, which obviously helped enormously.

Two of the three ended sort of similar to each other, while the other went in a slightly different direction.  I don't know if one is the right choice over another, but I like the idea of multiple possible endings - above and beyond player agency and PC choices, of course.  Reminds me of the Clue movie from the 80s that had three different endings.  

Did I mention that I only bought one thing in the dealer's room?  The first time I went through, I browsed the aisles, looking at books, knick-knacks, "ultimate gaming tables," and dice - so many dice.  It's a tradition of mine to buy at least one set of dice at the cons I attend, but this time, as occasionally happens with me, I decided to break with tradition.  No dice to just buy dice.  If a set didn't really speak to me, I wouldn't bother.

My second time through the dealer's room, I noticed some kind of massive worm creature in a clear plastic container sans box.  I asked about it, and sure enough, it was half price in the "scratch and dent" section.  I was hoping the $68 price tag was the original price and I could get the thing (which turned out to be a space-worm for the Spelljammer set) for $34.  That would have been a steal!  Alas, $68 was the halved price.  So, I hemmed and hawed a bit, trying to decide if it was worth it to me to have my very own gigantic miniature sandworm.  

I haggled a bit, trying to negotiate a better deal (which is now illegal in the state of New York), and the shop owner was nice enough to roll me for it.  He beat me on a toss of two massive foam d20s.  I picked the hot-pink and he rolled the teal.  So, I paid the seemingly ridiculous price for a really big, painted, plastic miniature and brought it back to my hotel.

I'm tempted to make the Alpha Blue session its own blog post, but my wife is getting tired of me writing about the convention I just spent 3 1/2 days at.  So, let's do this here and now!

I had everyone make their own characters, which is my customary way of doing things with that RPG.  The characters should be unique and getting to the finish line provides at least half of the adventure or seeds thereof.

There was Daskanzia a mutant conman, Bashir, an alien mercenary who likes to get squishy and turn invisible, Jira, a female droid and former gumball machine (like Servo) who was also a pimptress, Arden, a human pirate and psion, and Gunstarra, an alien metallic humanoid who was dog-sized.

I had the idea on the way over to the main lodge that morning of starting with part 2 of a sleazy space opera movie, where the original had done pretty well at the box-office.  However, "The Sequel" got its budget slashed and all the movie stars portraying the main characters, like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn, and Sophia Vergara were replaced with C-list actors (the PCs themselves) constantly referencing awesome things that happened in part 1 but made no sense to anyone (like all of us) who'd never seen the original movie.

The players thought that was a neat and/or funny idea, and I awarded points of divine favor whenever they made an out of context reference to the first movie that, obviously, none of us knew anything about in real life because I just made it up.  I think that went well.  Each player did that a couple times throughout the session to reinforce the "sequelness" of the adventure. We even used crappy on purpose sound effects with our mouth for various scifi-isms, noting that a grip or catering guy was probably making the sound just off camera.

At the end of the original movie, the principle characters were sentenced to 18 months on the penile planet Cygnus Beta where the PCs had been working at a monastery devoted to an old god whose name must never be uttered.  

Before long, whilst transporting toilet paper or TP (also known as treasure paper to the head abbot - from whose inner sanctum they stole a number of things, including a tall, ceremonial candle with a note that read "Do not light as this will resurrect a Great Old One"), Jira was impregnated by a penis-worm, but saved when another member of the crew threw out a "humper," distracting it.

There was a transport shuttle taking the PCs to Alpha Blue where some penis-headed aliens tried to get the Sleazoid Express hijacked.  "One-eyed Johnson got himself circumcised in the clone war."  The PCs thwarted that plan and took a lot of the unstolen cargo themselves.

On Alpha Blue, they located a worm wrangler and obstetrician shop, like those Taco Bell and Pizza Hut combo restaurants, and got the baby penis-worm gumball hybrid out of Jira.  The built-in petting zoo helps to domesticate penis-worms (for which there definitely is a market).

Then, they were wandering around the red hologram district and received a message from a 6-inch hologram of a dark zedi relating to a mysterious idol of an unnameable Great Old One sitting in an antique shop.  The PCs got it, and were about to leave when the dark zedi himself (3-feet tall in actual size) told them all that the run-time of the movie was almost up and this was their only chance for a laser battle.

So, we finished with a blaster shootout against the Knights in White Satin.  I tried out a sort of Blue Escalation for this combat.  Basically, on the first round, anyone who rolled a 6 on their dice pool scored a critical-hit and pretty much killed their opponent.  On round two, anyone who rolled a 5 or 6 scored a crit.  We never got to round three, as the survivors ran away.

That was all the time we had, and resurrecting the unnamed (although, I think I did accidentally say Yog-Soggoth towards the end - hey, this was supposed to be a really bad movie) would have to wait until part 3 because they didn't have anything left in the budget to create old god monster special FX.

Not sure where this fits in, but one of the nights I was in the hotel room, there was the Jack Palance Dracula movie on TV.  I watched a fair bit of it.  At one point, the vampire hunters found the sleeping brides of Dracula.  The audience heard what sounded like a stake being driven through a heart and then a close-up of her mouth filling with blood.  It was just for a second or two, really quick (which made me feel cheated), but at the time I remember thinking that's exploitation.  

Exploitation is the stuff we really want to see and hear, but the bastard censors won't let us because we're all just impressionable children in a nanny state.  In 2024, this is all just so ridiculous when The Bachelor puts a black bar over a woman's butt - who still has her swim bottoms on!!! - but if you try to hide blood and bones and body parts by cutting up the corpse and draining it down the pipes in the house you're squatting in, it's fine.  No bail.  Just come back to court in a couple months and we'll see if it's even a crime at that point.  We are truly living in clownworld!  

I have the vague memory of including a gut-munching cannibal scene (or maybe it was worms) with blood-splatter and the sound of hastily eaten, greasy fried chicken or something when the GRINDHOUSE EXPLOITATION Cha'alt X-Card was stimulated, but for the life of me, I can't remember what session that was in, or if it took place at all.  Maybe I fell asleep and dreamed it?

Regardless, I had a blast at the convention.  Really, all the sessions were amazing in their own way.  The only things I would have preferred is less noise and distraction in the first 5 sessions and a non-stinky room for the 6th.  Yeah, I'm definitely going to see what I can coordinate for next year because GaryCon is my favorite RPG convention... if you don't count VENGER CON (get your weekend badge now), of course.  

This July in Madison, WI is gonna be lit with the flammable zoth-based lube of a thousand tentacled whores.  Grab your badge today, hoss!

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.  I know this is an info dump that's missing a lot of details and some context.

VS

p.s. Aside from VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR convention, now's the time to get your hardcover Cha'alt trilogy if you don't already own it.  

GaryCon 2024 Convention Report (part 1)

 

I got back yesterday afternoon from Gary Con.  Overall, it was a great time!

My notes and game prep stuff is in the car, and getting all that stuff would wake my sleeping wife who was good enough to hold the fort and watch the kids while I was away.  So, in the meantime, I'm just going to mention some takeaways in no particular order.

I ran 6 games and while that felt kind of overwhelming and "too much" at certain points, I'm glad I went for it and achieved that much gaming.  There's almost never a "perfect session," even in one's home game, but at a convention?  Forget about it!  However, I was extremely pleased with how the sessions turned out.  

I had between 4 and 6 players for every game, which I think is ideal.  BTW, part 2 of this post-GaryCon report is here.

I noticed that the only game where I took lots of notes was the last one, the Alpha Blue session.  There's only one common denominator there, and that's the peace and quiet of a private room without all the noisy distractions.  But why, oh why, did that room have to stink so bad?  As soon as I walked in, it was like someone had let out a wet cheese fart about an hour ago and that smell never fully left, even after we kept the door open for the first 30 minutes.

The silver lining (aside from the fact that we had the whole room to ourselves) was that one of the randomly rolled qualities of a PC was their disgusting smell, so I suppose... it added to the immersion, kind of?  But yeah, the room stunk and 4 hours of that was about as much as I could reasonably stand.

Other than that, the Alpha Blue session was fantastic and I got to play in-person with guys who were big fans of mine and really loved my stuff.  

In fact, one guy, David, who'd played in one of my Cha'alt games, too, said he wanted two autographs at Gary Con this year.  One from old-school D&D artist par excellence Erol Otus, and me.  So, that was a bit overwhelming and extremely flattering, making the whole trip worth it for me just for that.

But why would a higher level of background commotion keep me from taking notes?  I was thinking about that on the drive home, earlier this morning, and again right now.  Maybe a fear that if I wasn't focused on moving things along at a quick pace that the session would be swallowed by all the commotion around us?  Perhaps there was less inter-player chatter, banter, and casual one-liners (which I usually like to observe and write down) due to the need for everyone to speak-up clearly and intentionally in order to be heard?  Also, if I wanted to hear anybody, I had to watch their mouth (I estimate I had to ask folks to repeat themselves about 5 or 6 times per session) - which is another reason why wearing masks at a gaming con is just not ok.  

Anyway, these results mean that I don't have copious notes from the first 5 sessions, only the last.  However, I ran the same Cha'alt scenario (an original piece I wrote the week before the convention) 3 times, so the details of what happened, generally speaking, are firmly in my head... and I have my prepared game notes.

Apparently, when I'm running my rules-light d20 Lovecraftian investigative horror hack, I either need to pad-out the scenario to exceed 2 hours or simply schedule it for a 2-hour game.  Additionally, I should include stage directions in my GM notes that say HAVE THE PLAYERS ROLL FOR SANITY, YOU DUMBASS because I neglected to do that in both scenarios on Saturday!  That, and the shortness of those games irritated me since I always want to deliver (overdeliver, actually) on what's promised.  

With that night-time Cthulhu hack session, I should have morphed it into Cha'alt using something akin to that method between Cha'alt campaigns in our home game, but I didn't think of that until later.  We still hung-out and talked for about 30 minutes after, so wasn't the end of the world, but when it's listed as a 4-hour game, I feel like the shortest it should be is 3.

I can still remember my first (possibly second) ever Gary Con I attended.  My hotel room that I booked got bumped to a golf course villa or something a little bit off property, but a bus took me back and forth to the main hotel whenever I wanted.  That villa had its own well-appointed, private room with a big round table and plenty of comfortable chairs.  

I remember being fed-up with gaming in open areas alongside dozens or hundreds of people who weren't in my session but doing their own thing right next to me, and thought... why don't I just use that private space in my villa?  

That was the first time I ran The Islands of Purple-Haunted Putrescence.  The book wasn't out yet, but the Kickstarter had ended, and I had maybe 40 pages of word document type stuff printed-out and spiral bound for ease of use.  T'was a fun session made all the more awesome because of the quiet, peaceful, and luxurious location (FYI, this is what gaming at VENGER CON is like).  

The two negative take-aways from that playtest con game were that wandering around, sandbox-style, wasn't what a few players had expected.  They preferred a more directed adventure with something specific to do.  The other was a player whose character got killed when an enemy critted him and I rolled a 12 on a d12 critical-hit table that I had included in the purple islands setting.  

It happened at the tail-end of the session, so he didn't miss out on anything, but when it was all over, I thanked the players and hoped they had fun.  The player whose PC died said something like, it was fun until my character died; or it would have been fun, except my character died.  In that moment, and still today, I'm glad he got killed.

Nevertheless, to this day, I'm sensitive about PC deaths and not providing some kind of overarching plot, story, or narrative to guide players in a general direction - without it turning into a railroad, of course.

Admittedly, there was a single point in the Cha'alt session where the PCs get rounded-up and imprisoned, but everything else was up in the air and could have gone a dozen different ways.  Being a con game, I think the vast majority in the hobby would let it slide.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll sign-up to attend and GM the crap out of Gary Con next year... but perhaps I can arrange something with the convention, like a private room where I'm staying, so I can run my games without taking up precious space at the actual hotel.  The private room experience really does bring out the best in gaming, and since GMing tremendous fucking sessions is one of the things God put me on this Earth to do, I want to do it to the best of my ability.

What else?  Got to playtest a psion class for Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer, which was fun (it's just based on the psionic rules, page 50 of the Cha'alt book), and a couple new races... an obsidian-man and tangerine-elf.  The obsidian-man, I now realize, needed more mechanical flavor to really come alive.  However, I'm quite pleased with how the tangerine-elf turned out, being able to make himself into orange juice in desperate situations + that race's high immunity.

Speaking of playtesting, I brought out the Cha'alt X-Cards for every session (except the Cthulhu hack ones) and the Gilded Die of Satanis for a few.  So, folks got to try it who'd never heard of anything like that before.  I think they found it somewhere on the spectrum between interesting and really cool.  

It was especially useful when we were flavoring random items quickly stolen from a treasure vault.  Since it was vast and full (imagine the cave of wonders in Aladdin), I let the players pick out what they found... with potential complications once they brought it out of the vault.

I remember the eyes of expectant players gazing into my GM soul, burning holes through my imagination as they patiently waited for me to improvise something awesome and contextually appropriate and badass... those eyes... the eyes!!!  Lol.  No, but seriously, there was some pressure to perform and not disappoint.  I think I did well under the circumstances.  The players occasionally helped with the creative lifting too, which is a feature of the design.

I remember thinking up a conch shell that when you held it up to your ear, you could hear the Great Old Ones devouring souls from beyond this universe.  So, like I said, the Cha'alt X-Cards came in handy and provided a lot of additional flavor to the session.

A player in a different Cha'alt session was spamming the cards at one point, trying to trick-out their stretched sand-speeder to include a pool, high-tech weaponry, hot chicks, extra tentacles, etc.  As I mentioned in the one video I made while at the convention, when a particular mechanic, system, or way of playing and interpreting the rules drifts organically into something the players can use to improve their overall experience, I try not to stop them but encourage how they've intuitively latched-on to it. 

Sometimes, the cards and gilded die were merely excuses to get the players conceptualizing a particular location, event, or NPC.  Occasionally, they were used as a "fail forward" device that had a built-in cost of either creative energy or shameful consequences for their PC.

After each session (again, not including the Cthulhu ones), there was a clear refrain... there's nothing quite like this.  It was completely different than any session they'd played at the con - or, in some cases, their entire lives.  They had assumptions and expectations, but this was just... weird... beyond weird.  There really is nothing comparable.  Cha'alt (using Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer and the way I run it) is a unique roleplaying game experience.  

That's what comes with focusing on a particular niche, adhering to your own aesthetics and sensibilities, and honing the vibe with an easy going and flexible manner until you get exactly the kind of game you're looking for... then, on top of that, never stop trying to improve.

GaryCon is a solid, well run convention.  It's sheer size puts it in a large gaming con category where you should know ahead of time if the crowds, noise, and expense are within your wheelhouse.  For example, Friday night, I opted for the prime rib buffet, which was good, but $50 + $3.50 for a Mountain Dew... before tip, obviously.  That's not in everyone's budget.

Of course, I'd be remiss for not mentioning my own old-school, OSR, and traditional RPG convention happening this July in Madison, WI... VENGER CON III: Revenge of the OSR.  Weekend badges still available - max attendance capped at 100, so don't delay!

Oh yeah, and I sold a ton of books... which was nice. If you want either the first, second, or the entire Cha'alt hardcover trilogy, here's the ordering info + price list.

Thanks to the con organizers and volunteers, thanks to all my players and those who wanted to get into one of my games but couldn't for one reason or another.  Part 2 of my GaryCon XVI convention report will either be tomorrow or the day after.  Thanks for reading, and I hope you're enjoying it so far!

VS

p.s.  [this space left intentionally awesome]

Mysterious Qada'ath [CHA'ALT campaign, session 9]

 

Never before in the anals of history (and if you haven't taken anal history with Ms. Tush, I highly recommend it) has there ever been a shot like the one that blasted the Ark of the Covenant into... well, let's just roll the tape so you can see for yourself.

We begin with three players, and their characters were Drogon the human/banana sorcerer, Nix the demon/clown/banana thief (we discussed Nix's look before getting underway - big long yellow banana nose that squeaks when squeezed, bright Bozo-red hair and goatee, white face paint, and plaid pants), and Juan Tifrifo the crystalline/banana warrior.  Yes, at the end of last session, they had just been turned into banana-men after Juan removed a neon banana sign from the cave wall.

Behind the neon banana sign was an 18-inch crack running vertically in the cave wall.  Peaking in, they could see a cave aglow with large colorful crystals and in the center was a golden pylon.  Immediately, Juan used his blaster to make a bigger entrance and then they entered to look around.  The pylon didn't have its familiar pyramidal key above the currently non-existent door, but they had Nix and Nix had his trusty crystal-rimmed jaccard.

Rolling a natural 20, Nix opened the door before his crystal-rimmed jaccard even touched the locking mechanism.  It opened into blackness, so Drogon asked Ta'anzo (his spider familiar) if he would check it out... and he did.  It was safe for his master and his master's companions.  

Stepping into the black void interior of the gold pylon, the PCs brushed up against a beaded curtain and saw shag carpeting, black lights, velvet paintings, banana-shaped lava lamp, mood music playing in the background (most likely Fuchsia Floyd), an end-table displaying pet rocks next to an elaborate glass bong, coffee table containing an open book, and paisley couch.

Juan Tufrifo shaved some of the shag carpeting and sliced the banana lava lamp in two.  Nix ripped a bong-hit that was pre-filled with a chartreuse powder.  Drogon took a look at the book on the table - it was a magical tome instructing sorcerers in the use of a special kind of glyph... slut glyphs!  With the help of this book, a sorcerer could learn how to create, energize, and stimulate a sexually suggestive magical symbol onto a woman's lower back, the most powerful slut glyphs are capable of sexually enslaving their nubile vessels. 

Before leaving, Drogon decided to cast detect magic to see if there was anything else they should be paying attention to.  With his sorcerous eyes, Drogon sensed something under the couch.  The crystalline-banana warrior sliced the couch in two as his companion gazed at what was hidden underneath - a poster (although, now I'm picturing it as more of an oversized scroll than something I would have hung on my wall as a teenager) of a banana.  The closer they examined it, the more obvious that the banana was a sticker that could be peeled away to reveal... a flesh-colored tentacle.  The tentacle was puffy and squishy and slimy.

Since it was magical, they rolled it up and took it with them.  Upon exiting, they came across a dozen pig-faced orcs who were taking the clown-gangbang woman to their lair (since the PCs had focused on the pylon and a little on the crystals, they completely neglected a small tunnel at the back of the cave leading to the orc lair.  

The woman was unconscious, and the PCs were probably going to let the orcs go so they could put the woman in their giant stew-pot and eat her in peace.  But then the two other freed prisoners appeared and the orcs threw metal collars and chains on them so they could also be eventually eaten.  The human slaves pleaded with the adventurers to be saved (again), so the trio of anti-heroes complied.  Mostly because Juan got bored and fired his blaster several times down the tunnel as some of the orcs had already started walking back home.

After taking significant damage, the PCs had slaughtered the remaining orcs.  Drogon's player missed by 1 during combat, and I reminded him of the new optional rule in Advanced Crimson Dragon Slayer.  He performed the tentacle "ritual" and got his +1.

They decided to rest off their wounds in the pylon (Nix discovered a way to lock it from the inside without the key).  Meanwhile, the adventurers discovered that the woman, Samantha, had a slut glyph tramp-stamp on her lower back (that read "open for business"), so they asked her about it.  She confirmed their suspicion - the sorcerer who lived here in this pylon had manifested the slut glyph on her body.  He was on some kind of shamanic-walkabout and would eventually return.

Samantha, in true Heavy Metal movie style, asked if there was anything she could do to repay the adventurers for saving her.  One or more of the party was interested, but opted to wait until after their rest so they could utilize the sleaze-factor 5 bonus more effectively.  However, Samantha had some jellybeans (wild blackberry) secreted in her love-pocket.  She gave them to Nix as a way of saying thanks.

3 hours of rest and relaxation later, the glyph guru came back, looking like PeeWee Herman in tan robes and a cookie crisp pointy wizard's hat and matching wand with a cookie that's had a bite taken out on the end (not sure what Midjourney was thinking, but this is the best of 8).  He restored the PCs to their non-banana state - "Expiritu returnum sancti!"  Nix had a choice of remaining a night-clown along with his demon heritage or to have that reversed, as well.  Nix preferred to stay both clown and demon.  

The PCs got their remaining HP back, as well, and then left to let the glyph guru and Samantha do what they want in the pylon.  Those shrimp cocktail jellybeans would go well with the tuna wormhole he was about to devour. 

Leaving the subterranean ex-zoo dungeon (with the photon torpedo), the PCs found Johnny Transport sleeping in the driver's seat.  They got in and drove towards the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  On the way, they were fired upon by a Federation hover-tank.  Drogon's missile command intercepted the missile that almost blew them up.  Johnny Transport ejected to safety, leaving them without a driver - but one of the NPCs jumped to the wheel and made sure the transport was stable (the photon torpedo had been ensconced with blankets in the trunk).  

They couldn't outrun the hover-tank and decided to make a last stand, parking it sideways and using it for cover.  The hover-tank shot several holes into it before a half-dozen Federation soldiers got out to charge them.  A few laser blasts and a crit later, the soldiers were dead, but there was still one in the hover-tank as it fired on the converging red-shirt NPC who was running up there with a laser-sword as Ta'anzo scuttled his way up onto the hover-tank and into the cockpit.  At this point, the SLEAZE Cha'alt X-Card was stimulated.

Calling upon his master's sorcerous vitality (costing Drogon 1 hit-point), the spider jacked all over the console which released and temporarily solidified the massive amounts of porn stored in the hover-tank's computer.  Suddenly, there were tentacled whores everywhere.  The pilot was distracted enough for Ta'anzo to pick up his blaster and shoot him in the back. 

Taking the photon torpedo with them, the PCs drove the hover-tank to the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  On the way, they saw that guy with the purple-stained hand hitchhiking so the NPC driver (who hadn't been vaporized into a pink mist) pulled over to pick him up.  The dude's name was Zacharia, and he admitted to being a part of the prophecy.

BTW, the PCs realized they could take one of their fist-sized ka'alaxian crystals, break it in half and replace the crystal power source for their laser-swords with that.  It super-charged their laser-swords from 3d6 to 3d8.  

Approaching the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice, the PCs saw Gonzo and his entourage on one side and the 111 humanoid sacrifices on the other, being detained by several Federation soldiers.  Nix's player stimulated the POST-APOCALYPSE card as, I believe, Drogon's player stimulated the SCIENCE-FANTASY Cha'alt X-Card - double stimulation!! - and together we decided that this whole area was full of massive bones - sandworm skeletal remains and those of alien dinosaurs... making it a natural sandworm hangout.  That, combined with the Ark of the Covenant's power, was drawing sandworms to the area.

Now, the PCs knew that Gonzo most likely couldn't be harmed because of the Old Ones' protection (since Gonzo possessed the holiest of holy weapons or X'queeu residing inside the Ark).  Also, Zacharia told them that even if they used the photon torpedo to destroy the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice, its remnants might still be usable to fulfill the prophecy.

Before getting out to speak with the apocalyptic priests who had gathered on the Crimson Rock outskirts, Zacharia gave the PCs a purple powder to snort.  They did and it took their consciousness on a trip to the Purple Labyrinth.  There, the PCs wandered purple corridors until they happened upon a purple chamber containing Gonzo, his entourage, and the Ark... but out of phase with consensual reality.

Drogon consulted the slut glyph book and attempted to trace a glyph on Gonzo's lower back that would attract sandworms.  He rolled well, the slut glyph was created and stimulated.  Then, the adventurers returned to "reality."  In order to complete their disruption of the ceremony, they drove up the side of the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice.  Juan Tufrifo took the laser cannon controls in his crystal hand, quieted his mind, focused his energy, used the force, aimed at the Ark, and squeezed a shot off.

This was an important roll.  He picked up the d20 and rolled... a 5.  There was talk of spending a point of Divine Favor or using Fuchsia Burn, but Juan's player decided to use one of his lavender demon-moon dice of destiny, and, inexplicably, a gilded die of Satanis (referred to by Nix's player as "the humiliation die").  Both d6s came up 6!!!

So, that's a critical success on the lavender moon die and critical success on the gilded die.  One of the things I like about the come-up-with-stuff-on-the-fly systems we have in place is that it forces me to spontaneously create in that reality based solely on prompts and occasional player suggestions - this is the PSYCHOCOSM your mother never warned you about during the Satanic panic.  After a few seconds of contemplation, I decided that the Ark of the Covenant was blasted off the Crimson Rock of Sacrifice and into the mouth of a sandworm - as several had now converged on their location, all the more urgently due to Gonzo's slut glyph tramp-stamp.

But what's the humiliation of Juan Tufrifo?  Moments after swallowing the Ark, the sandworm pooped it out - and for God only knows what reason, the turd looked exactly like the crystalline warrior himself.  The PCs decided to scoop up the poop-encased Ark of the Covenant with plans to let it petrify until it was needed in the future.

The session ended about 30 minutes early as we were all emotionally spent after that dramatic climax and there was no way of topping it.  

Now that this arc (no pun intended) is complete, time to start thinking about what's next for the campaign.  Good stopping point because we won't reconvene for 3 weeks as I have my eldest daughter's birthday party next weekend and GaryCon the weekend after.

A lot of great quotes were heard around the table...

• "You get that familiar tingling sensation."
• "I love the idea of slut glyphs, that's such a great concept.  It's even fun to say... slut glyph!"
• "Banana glyphs?  Ok, let me research that."
• "Do we still have our original... equipment down there?"  To which I responded, "You don't have banana junk perse, but it has taken on a banana-like influence."
• "Instead of tea-totaler, what about the phrase zoth-totaler?  Too old-timey?"
• "Sandworm poop smells like cinnamon."
• "Marsupial spider-satchel."
• "I'm like an avenging clown angel of chaos."
• "Banana shadows."
• "Samantha, you're in for a treat!"
• "Federation soldiers are like the stormtroopers of Cha'alt."
• "Nix, surely a master-thief," to which he responded, "I am a master-thief, but don't call me Shirley."
• "Remember to gently peel back your banana-skirt, you don't want to bruise."
• "Coochie jellybeans."
• "When it comes to prophecies, it's not so much the letter of the law as the spirit."
• "Your moon dice moment is a verse from the song of your own life."
• "I got my +5 [sleaze factor bonus].  See you later, THOT!"
• "Yeah, we'll just call him Johnny Transport.  That's good enough."

Ok, I'll blog again between now and our next session - Saturday, March 30th - but the next stop on the Cha'alt train is Gary Con!  Looking forward to it.

VS

p.s. Want your own hardcover Cha'alt trilogy?  Order it here, and thank you for supporting independent RPG creators... rather than woke corporations that don't give a damn about the hobby.  I'll keep reminding you guys, VENGER CON III this July in Madison, WI.  Come game with us!